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Sunday, February 5, 2012

Being Self-Secure

I try to take care of my Health needs: Eat Right, Exercise (well sort of), Sleep Enough.
I try and keep my Relationships healthy too: Spend Time with My Girls and Granddaughter, Contact my Son and Family way out East, Call my Mother often, try to Stay in Touch with my Siblings and Friends.
I try to make sure that I am a Good Employee, a Thoughtful Community Member, Neighbor, Shopper, etc.
I choose my Products with care- I don't eat meat, I won't eat cheese if it has rennet, I won't buy items that are tested on animals, I don't wear leather, I've even gotten to the point where my vitamin labels are scrutinized- and ya- they have a lot of animal by-products but luckily there are vegetarian vitamins now.

And yet- when it comes to taking care of my own Mental, Spiritual and Emotional Well-Being... well, I tend to skimp. Why is that? Why do I still feel guilty and selfish if I take time to make Myself Happy? Why do I still feel badly if I say "no" to a Request for my Time and Attention?  I do believe I'm getting better but I have a LONG way to go before I can Confidently say something like "Ya know, I realize you need my time but right now I need it more than you do."
I still look to others for their opinions and I still put those above my own. I'm getting better though. I am.

Years and years and oh, by the way, YEARS, of conditioning and habit that need to be changed-broken- tossed and replaced with something Stronger and Better and Healthier.  I'll get there. I will.

*"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time."  Anna Freud