Begin Being Aware

When we're small we don't think about where our food comes from- we just know that when we're hungry we tell a big person and if we're lucky we get fed.
When we're small we don't think about our clothes; how they're made or where the fabric comes from or any such details- we just know that our clothes can get too small or be too itchy, or tear when we play too hard.
When we're small we don't think about the state of the world, or our neighbors for that matter.
When we're small we think about ourselves and our world and how everything pertains to us.

When we grow up and go out into the world on our own, as young adults, then as people with families and small children to think of... most of us STILL don't put a lot of thought into those things. I only became "aware" in my 50's. Before that I was pretty clueless. I didn't get involved in politics, didn't think about where my food came from, who made my clothes, whether animals were tortured so that I might have shampoo and cosmetics.
I eased into it all gradually- this becoming aware. I decided to stop eating meat, then poultry, then fish. I gave away my leather coat and shoes. (not an easy task but if I won't eat it why would I wear it?)  then I realized I had antique leather books; oh my- time to give those away too. Next I started paying attention to the ingredients of things. There is a HUGE long list of ingredients with tricky names so you don't know it's made from animal (eg: rennet in cheese: calf stomach, allantoin: uric acid - that's right they put animal pee in your cosmetics)  http://www.peta.org/living/vegetarian-living/animal-ingredient-guide.aspx?search=ingredients
I started paying attention to factory farming, Monsanto and all the horror stories that company has to "offer", to Fair Trade- what it is and why it's important to support small farmers all around the world, and to box stores and their contribution to child labor, ousting the "mom and pop" stores etc.  There is SO much information to digest and at first I thought my decisions didn't really matter. They do. Every dollar I spend is a vote. A vote for things about which I care. And in order to be true to myself and my beliefs I need to continue to be aware, pay attention, make good decisions and choices. I slip up from time to time, everyone will. But I am trying and seeking to be a better citizen and to continually be aware.

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Thanks for "listening."  (art is ASL sign for "connect- join"

Being Self-Secure

I try to take care of my Health needs: Eat Right, Exercise (well sort of), Sleep Enough.
I try and keep my Relationships healthy too: Spend Time with My Girls and Granddaughter, Contact my Son and Family way out East, Call my Mother often, try to Stay in Touch with my Siblings and Friends.
I try to make sure that I am a Good Employee, a Thoughtful Community Member, Neighbor, Shopper, etc.
I choose my Products with care- I don't eat meat, I won't eat cheese if it has rennet, I won't buy items that are tested on animals, I don't wear leather, I've even gotten to the point where my vitamin labels are scrutinized- and ya- they have a lot of animal by-products but luckily there are vegetarian vitamins now.

And yet- when it comes to taking care of my own Mental, Spiritual and Emotional Well-Being... well, I tend to skimp. Why is that? Why do I still feel guilty and selfish if I take time to make Myself Happy? Why do I still feel badly if I say "no" to a Request for my Time and Attention?  I do believe I'm getting better but I have a LONG way to go before I can Confidently say something like "Ya know, I realize you need my time but right now I need it more than you do."

I still look to others for their opinions and I still put those above my own. I'm getting better though. I am.

Years and years and oh, by the way, YEARS, of conditioning and habit that need to be changed-broken- tossed and replaced with something Stronger and Better and Healthier.  I'll get there. I will.

*"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time."  Anna Freud